Should Christian ministers officiate unbelievers weddings

Early in my ministry, I found myself staring at the ceiling for hours each night, night after night. I had a decision to make, and I didn't know what to do.

A couple, both of whom I cared about, asked me to officiate at their wedding. Neither of them were followers of Jesus. It was a torturous quandary because I wanted an ongoing relationship with them, as an inroad to the Gospel.

This couple wasn't in disobedience to the Word of God. This wasn't the "unequal yoking" of a believer to an unbeliever. That would have been an easy decision, since the Scripture forbids it as sin. Marriage though, unlike baptism and the Lord's table, is a creation ordinance, given to all people (Genesis 2:23-24). It is good for unbelievers to marry rather than to live in immorality. It's good for them, for their children and for society as a whole.

If I'd been in another Christian communion, I guess I could have called my bishop. I'm a Baptist, though. I was the bishop.

I called several pastors I know. One told me he marries virtually whoever asks, provided it fits with his schedule, but he saves the "really nice" ceremony for those who are believers. Another told me he routinely married unbelievers, as a means of sharing the Gospel with them in premarital counseling. I went away from these conversations depressed. It seemed to me there was something trivializing about these conversations, trivializing of both marriage and the call to preach.

Now, a dozen years later, I find that this question -- should a minister officiate at the weddings of unbelievers? -- remains one of the most pressing questions for young ministers. So many have asked this question, that I've decided to put my counsel in print and say to young ministers what I wish someone had said to me.

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